Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself Drinking A Blue Soda At 10:30 AM Wednesday
I’m not always proud of the things I have to do.
01/21/2009
12/09/2008
Lately I've been thinking about cutting high fructose corn syrup out of my diet...
It makes me a little nervous, but this morning, I’m psyching myself up for the task by reading a bunch of horrifying research on the evils of HFCS.I cut it out about a year ago. Mostly - I can’t control what I eat at someone else’s house, etc. I’ve lost weight, my skin has improved, and I have more energy. Best decision I’ve ever made.
I honestly don’t see how I could ever possibly do this, but I envy you. I often wonder if my soda-chugging is really causing me more displeasure than pleasure.
10/20/2008
Soda Pop Display in 1984 Grocery Storehow sweet
I gotta say, I’m not normally reactionary in this way, but this just looks so much better than the modern soda aisle. Maybe just because this store clearly takes more pride in their shelving than anywhere I’ve shopped. (I forget the industry term for bringin merchandise flush with the front of the shelf, which term used to send involuntary shivers down my spine when I worked at a grocery store in high school. Stupid canned vegetable aisle.)
10/07/2008
Your Beverage Update
Mountain Dew Voltage (previously) will be back in stores on December 29, 2008. Kind of a weird time of year for soda, to be honest. Hopefully they’re not burying it like a February movie. It had better still be around come summertime. I intend to sit in a lot of pools sippin’ on some Voltage in ‘09.
Thanks, Wikipedia entry on Mountain Dew (words I didn’t wake up thinking I’d type today).
09/17/2008
Life's Little Disappointments, Vol. 6
I keep trying to be a good boy and drink Coke Zero instead of Coke but it is just. not. working. I am doomed to always be haunted by the spectre of diabetes and four-pack abs where I should have six.
That said, Cherry Coke Zero is OK. Not quite good enough to compare favorably to writing like this. Maybe Vanilla Coke Zero is at that level. But very few things are, honestly. Perhaps that’s Life’s Little Disappoinments, Vol. 7.
08/26/2008
Diet Caffeine-Free Coke
- Matthew: diet caffeine free coke is one of the saddest beverages in the world
- ditto the Pepsi equiv
- Chris: basically it is a can that says I DON'T DESERVE PLEASURE
- Matthew: they should have little thorns on the can
- Chris: when you pop open the can, instead of hissing, it just sighs heavily
- if you put the can down on a pile of blank tax returns it will fill them all out for fun and then fall asleep
- Matthew: a hairshirt cozy
- Chris: when you bring it out on a boat, a strip of extremely heavy zinc sunblock will appear across its front from out of nowhere
08/20/2008
“ We’re calling this the extreme relaxation beverage. Every aspect of this calming drink was inspired by today’s popular hip hop artists who embrace the much sought-after hip hop lifestyle that encourages people to capture a stress-free state of mind. „
Gothamist: Anti-Energy “Drank” Set to Sedate NYC Tomorrow
07/15/2008
ALERT ALERT HRRWONK HRRWONK
Mountain Dew Voltage both looks and tastes a LOT like Pepsi Blue. Please go to dewmocracy.com (I CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT) and vote to make it a permanent flavor.
07/10/2008
A Hypothetical Question About Beverages
kfan:
Also assuming that my contined undying love for the memory of Pepsi Blue is in the main merely a result of the River Phoenix “Don’t Know What You Got” law.
GET OUT. You loved Pepsi Blue too? I was CRAZY for that stuff. I was convinced it was actually made as robot fuel before some scientist’s hapless six-year-old chugged some and pronounced it delicious. It officially ruined my day when I learned it would be discontinued, and I’m pretty sure there’s a momento can still refrigerating in my parents’ garage. Official drink of my (pretty much completely awesome) Summer of 2003.
07/10/2008
A Hypothetical Question About Beverages
You get to have a fountain in your home that will dispense three beverages. You will have an unlimited supply of this beverage, and it will just magically appear there for you, you never have to deal with maintenance. The beverages will be of an ideal quality when they come out of the fountain, so if, for example, you pick a particular wine, it will not be damaged by the whole “coming out of a tap” thing.
What three beverages do you choose?
My answer is unexciting.
(1.) Coca-Cola. As any true lover of Coke knows, its quality is wildly inconsistent between formats. Standardized perfect Coke is the kind of unattainable dream that you would have to be brain-damaged to pass up if it was offered to you.
(2.) Root beer. It’s a lot like Coke, except it’s not, and also it’s delicious. Possibly the only problem with this choice is that root beer is a beverage that I actually enjoy experiencing some variety in. Perhaps an “ideal quality” would be the mix of root beer flavors that suits my mood at that given moment? That would be boss. If I can’t have that, then maybe I will replace this choice with water, as an unlimited supply of perfect water will be very valuable in the coming Cormac McCarthy-style apocalypse.
(3.) Rum. Here’s the thing: I don’t really like beer, or wine. I love Jack Daniel’s but hey, Jack’s pretty good as it is, I don’t need it in an “ideal” form. Rum, however, is something where it can be difficult to chase down a bottle of the seriously good stuff. And if I’ve got an unlimited supply of perfect Coke it would be nice to get unlimitedly, perfectly drunk sometimes.
