DYFL?

Last Night's Dream CORRECTED

It was actually Udo Kier, guys. Sorry to confuse you. I always get those guys’ names mixed up.

So yes: a strangely erotic Udo Kier. I KNOW RIGHT

Last Night's Dream

I commit industrial espionage against a strangely erotic Armand Assante, aboard a cruise ship.

Last Night's Dream

During a lull in an R.E.M. show, Michael Stipe tells me about the utterly mediocre-sounding comics project he has set up at my company.

(Note to all: To the best of my knowledge, Michael Stipe does not have a comics project set up at my company; and if he did, we’d do our best to not make it mediocre.)

Last Night's Dream

• My boss dies and leaves me taking care of his dog, who is adorable and comically oversized in the manner of Lockjaw.
• Some of my teeth fall out, and I don’t mind too much.
• I attend a twenty-minute preview of the next Christopher Nolan Batman movie, which turns out to be both a romantic comedy and filmed in IMAX with simulated gravity in the manner of a thrill-park centrifuge ride.
• While on a beach in California, my coworkers and I spot one of our more popular writers, and intend to go talk to him about story points, but then three space shuttles take off over our heads in a row, causing us to believe we’re about to be invaded by extraterrestrials. So we go bodysurfing instead.

Last Night's Dream

A college roommate turns out to be a murderous werewolf; a plane fails to take off; sewer monsters attack during an emotional phone call from my dad.

Last Night's Dream

Part One: A seafaring adventure featuring competitive scientists, ice floes, rivers that flow through caverns, gigantic spiders, and waterslides.

Part Two: An espionage story involving living prehistoric mammals, a lovely model home, clear plastic guns, and petulant male teenagers.

Last Night's Dream

While standing in the engine room of a sleek modern train, I watch a river of beautiful multicolored parakeets fly around and past us.

Last Night's Dream

After a recent sunburn, I peel sheets of skin off my chest in the manner of Clark Kent opening his shirt to become Superman.

Last Night's Dream

My sister throws a sunburned teenage alligator at me.

Last Night's Dream

I lose a tooth that I don’t even have to begin with.

Can I just say

…how glad I am that I occasionally write my “Last Night’s Dream” posts? I spent a minute reviewing them today and man oh man. My head-movies are weird. (Two appearances in a year by Robert Downey Jr. seems especially notable. I guess he did have a big year.)

I haven’t had any memorable dreams lately (at least none that I can share on a family Tumblr), but I’ll be sure to eat something ridiculous immediately before going to bed tonight. Gotta crank out that content!

Last Night's Dream

Part One: Essentially a full episode of TOP CHEF, though not with the current cast. For the quickfire challenge, the chefs must invent their own flavor of Pop Tart. For the elimination challenge, they must make the perfect cheeseburger. Danny Meyer of Shake Shack is the guest judge.

Part Two: Begins with a violent fistfight between myself and some unidentified person over a Hollywood deal gone wrong. Reveals itself to feature an all-star cast including Tom Cruise, Pierce Brosnan, and Robert Downey Jr., but then eventually just turns into a dream about my coworkers and I going to the mall for lunch.

Last Night's Dream

While taking a cab from Brooklyn to Manhattan, I notice that the Wonder Wheel and Parachute Jump have been moved to the Brooklyn Bridge Promenade, and are now accompanied by a truly immense Planet Hollywood sign modeled after the globe in Flushing Meadows Park. Erik, who happened to be walking by at that moment, informed me that he’d just been to the movies, but my cab pulled away before I could find out what he saw.

Last Night's Dream, Explicated

*****SPOILERS*****

BE WARNED! This post ruins the ending of the post about my dream below! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AVOIDING SPOILERS!!!!!!

*****END SPOILER SPACE*****

The Chinese setting is clearly the result of the Ruby Foo’s meal I’d just eaten a couple hours before that did not agree with me.

The hysterical girl is my sister, who was more than slightly drunk last night.

College-age Stephen Malkmus comes from seeing his picture in the issue of BLENDER I was perusing on the toilet.

And, per Craig in the comments, the gigantic bug is likely a visit from Beezlebub himself. No doubt I will be pulled down into the fiery pits of Hell sometime in the next day or so. Shit.

Last Night's Dream

I am on what I guess was understood to be a high school field trip to China. One of the girls in our party has some kind of hysterical fit when we are at the top of a long, complicated rope bridge over a mist-filled chasm, and begins swinging the bridge on purpose, causing people far below us on another span of the bridge to slip all over the place and nearly fall off. She claims this is OK because they are cannibals. Our counselor, a college-age Stephen Malkmus, is useless in sedating the girl, and it falls to me to do so. She pummels me with bamboo sticks before collapsing in tears. One of the managers from my office comes and collects her, presumably to take her to get psychiatric help, but as we are walking to the parking lot (yes the parking lot) I realize that she has lost her shoes. I walk back to the landing of the bridge to collect them, and turn around to see a gigantic, football-sized bug hiding in the shadows and skittering behind a planter. It alternately looks like a housefly and some kind of twelve-legged beast. The bug is quietly honking and making strange sounds which occasionally resolve into English words. The bug is very clearly talking to me. I am seized with fear and a great uncertainty about what kind of horrible thing this bug is about to do to me. I wake up at 6 fucking AM after five hours of sleep and am utterly awake for the rest of the day. Sigh.